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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

i seriously regretted stepping into sjc. it changed my life, more of for the worse than better. i really don't know what's up with the teachers there. they are just hell biased. it obvious ain't it? they like those with uber high belts, high socks and those goody goody types. i really should have transferred out long ago. like what many people did. i think it would make my life better.

like today, i don't know wtfh i did. all i did was to stand somewhere near the damn canteen table, trying to look for jaima. then fonseka came. our convo was like that.
fonseka:"are you lucia?"
me:"yeah?"
fonseka:"if your belt is not at your waist tomorrow, i am going to write your name down and make you wear the new school uniform."
me: i was thinking to myself, huh. wtfh is this?
its really wtfh!? like do i know her? or does she know me? out of a sudden she just appeared out of nowhere and threatened me? like if she wants to catch me for my uniform, aren't we given 3 warnings? all she gave me was one damn warning? and if you wanna look at uniform, check out my class. there are so many low belts. and the thing is, she doesn't even teach me!? i bet its PANTY! seriously, i can't take it anymore. i just broke down and cry. i don't know why. i am feeling so vexed, so bottled up. everything seems wrong. i really can't control my emotions anymore. i am so lost now. i don't know what's happening to my life. what does the whole world have against me? i have shut up in classes. i don't talk back anymore. i sort of listen now. but the teachers don't seem to be happy. then what more do they expect from me? its obvious they are picking on me, ain't it? so they think i am a robot with no feelings. so they think they are always right and rule the world? they can go eat shit. they don't even command our respect. they are so damn corrupted. ask the teachers who left. i just can't take it anymore. i really wanna explode. i am already feeling pissed about soem stuffs, then this kinda thing happened to me? i am sick of being a spare, i am sick of listening, i am sick of being picked on and i am just sick of everything. life has never been fair to me, since the day i was born till now. but who knows? no one. i can only keep it bottled up, close my heart to everyone and suffer the pain alone. i hate my life. i really feel like giving up. i just feel so suffocated. no one gives a damn. so i gotta be strong, and fend for myself.
i am gonna stand up for myself. i don't care. even if that means offending a teacher or quarrelling with my mum. i am gonna do what i think is right and not just stay there and get picked on. i shall kick away my resolution of shutting up. there's no point anyway. fking life i have.

yeapp. angklung was fine today. it cheered me up a lil. ( : so not looking forward to going to school tomorrow. shall see what that bitch is gonna do. damn! !%$%!*(_!)@*(%&*!_@(!

i'm about to break, i need a lil room to breathe,